Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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