I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
