no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
