wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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