New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
