You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
