I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
