I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
