Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize