they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So squirting runs in the family.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
