nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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