i dont even know how to be here
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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