What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
