Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
