i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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