i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
