i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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