i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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