hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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