I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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