Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
