I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
