Your dad touched me again.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize