I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
