so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
