How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize