sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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