Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
