4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
