we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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