Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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