is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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