1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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