I wish my penis had an off switch
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize