Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
