Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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