That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
