I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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