Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
