two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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