I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
