I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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