i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
