my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
