If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
