ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
