Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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