It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
did i just pee glitter
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
