sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
