i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
are you so shy because you have an std?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
