just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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