youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
