He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
