My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
