It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
