There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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