my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
