Im at strip club and am horny
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
