Her vagina should come with caution tape.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize