dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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