Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
