A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
