i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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