She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
