if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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