Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
