She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
