alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize