if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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