You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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