how can u be prego again
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
