Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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