All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
