My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize